The Pink FlexiRuler Strikes Back
by I am the Cake Fairy
Summary: [oneshot][au][KankuHina][the sweetest darn thing][sequel to Attack of the Pink FlexiRuler] Hinata disliked very few things. However, there was one thing that Hinata hated. Okay, she hated two things. Ticks, and mosquitoes. [rated for language]


Hinata disliked very few things. She felt it wrong to have hatred for anything, and despite her shy disposition, she was, to put it simply, a very 'sunshine happy girl.' Neji's words, not the author-ess'. The girl was very much an optimist, always looking for, and subtly pointing out, the silver lining of each and every cloud. Which equals to a whole lot of clouds, considering that the group was in a middle/ high school. Just think about it. Peer pressure, puberty, PMSing (wow...the author-ess has just noticed that she's naming a lot of p words) and several more common issues suffered through middle/ high school. However, there _was_ one thing that Hinata hated.

Ticks.

Okay, she hated two things.

Ticks..._and mosquitoes..._

The little bluck-sucking demons! They were parasites, and had no purpose in the world!

Now, Hinata liked to think that she was pretty open-minded in the aspect of religion. Or, as open-minded as one could be when your cousin is obsessed with fate; and his boyfriend is obsessed with killing. Poor Hinata. Just think of the family reunion! The author-ess shudders in horror. Anyway. There were some aspects of religion that Hinata, being the cousin of Neji that she is, did in fact believe in, such as 'everything on Earth has a purpose.' Everything, that is, except...

...ticks..._and mosquitoes..._

But what had brought on the subject of ticks and mosquitoes? Well, the fact that the entire school had gone on a nature hike through the parasite-infected woods in the mountains near the school. And, despite the insane amount of bug-spray everyone had on, and the cloud of bug-spray the groups walked in, Hinata had still gotten several bites on her arms and legs, not to mention several very bitchy ticks that just happened to be in the very middle of her back. The _very_ middle. Which meant that her bra would get caught on them, and to make matters worse, she couldn't get them off.

Nor could she find a friend who had time to take them off.

Temari was too busy with Shikamaru. Enough said. Anymore, and it would be purely troublesome and traumatizing for both readers and author-ess.

Tenten was too busy…well, in all honesty, Hinata didn't know _what_ Tenten was doing (but the author-ess and the readers do!).

Sakura and Ino were out at the mall, shopping at one of the stores that Hinata didn't care too much for. She preferred Hot Topic. No, seriously.

But wait. Before the author-ess gets too much farther, she needs to explain something. Hinata is at school. Sakura and Ino are not. And why is that? Well, some would say that they were skipping school. Which would have been true, except for the fact that it was Saturday. So, why then was Hinata at school? Well, Kankuro had somehow talked Temari into talking Gaara into talking Neji into talking Hinata into managing their school's lacrosse team. Like, keeping the locker room clean, and all that other good stuff. That was why Hinata was at the school on Saturday: the team was having an extra practice.

Anyway. Neji was too busy with Gaara to help her and her little sister Hanabi was at a sleepover.

And _hell no_, she was _not_ going to ask one of the lacrosse players to help her. The only player would have considered asking was Haku (the author-ess couldn't help but throw her favorite character in there) and he was out at Niagara Falls with his boyfriend. They were such a cute couple, even though the height difference was rather large.

But _why_ did the damn ticks have to be so _bitchy_?

Yes, she meant bitchy, not itchy. However, both words worked perfectly well for the situation she was currently in.

And what _was _that situation, again? Oh, yes: ticks all over her, no way to get them off, picking up crumpled notes off the locker room floor…

Oh! This note looked particularly interesting…. Hinata carefully unfolded it from what many of the school's dorks called a paper shuriken. It in fact looked nothing like a shuriken. She gasped and blushed as red as a tomato as she read what was on the note.

"_Fun Math!_

_1) Start with x and add y to it._

_2) Add the bed._

_3) Subtract the clothes._

_4) Divide the legs._

_5) And pray you don't multiply."_

"Hey 'Nata!" Kankuro said, coming up from behind her, and scaring the poor girl nearly out of her wits. The author-ess means seriously. Wouldn't it creep you out too if your sister's father's brother's son's boyfriend's sister's brother suddenly popped up from behind you after you read a particularly creepy note you found on the floor of the boy's locker room?

"O-oh, h-hi Kankuro-kun," Hinata said, still pretty red after reading the note. Kankuro saw her blushing cheeks, and looked down at the note in her hands.

"Watcha got there?" he asked, yanking the note out of the younger girl's hands. She made very little protest. His grin grew wider and his eyebrows rose higher as his eyes traveled down the lined paper, reading the rather messy black ink. "Now, 'Nata. As the brother of the sister of the boyfriend of your cousin, it's nearly almost fully my responsibility to know who is wooing you."

"Uh, K-kankuro-kun…I j-just found this on the f-floor…n-no one g-gave it to me…" If it was possible, Hinata's face was redder than ever. Kankuro grinned, quite clearly pleased that he was able to make the girl so easily flustered.

Suddenly, Hinata's eyes shot way open before narrowing dangerously. Kankuro raised an eyebrow. Or he would have. If he had had the talent to do that. Seeing how he didn't, he ended up raising both eyebrows.

"What's up--?" he began before Hinata's frustrated cry cut him off.

"UGG! Those God-damned ticks! I swear once those mother-fucking bitches are off my damn back, I will burn their asses so bad, even hell won't do much else to them! Whatever bastard who created the blood sucking faggots will wish they never did because I swear if I ever meet them I will open up a big ass fuckin can of whoop ass so hard and beat the shit out of them!"

To say that Kankuro was surprised at Hinata's sudden outburst would have been an understatement. A very large understatement. His mouth was practically on the floor, it was such a huge understatement. It was quite humorous, really: seeing Hinata, the shy, quiet-spoken girl go off on such a loud rant, not to mention that it was practically overflowing with various obscenities. And here Kankuro thought he had a foul mouth.

Seems like he could learn something from the manager of his lacrosse team.

But first, the, and the author-ess quotes, "_mother-fucking bitches_" (unquote) had to removed from Miss Hinata Hyuuga's back. And quick, before she decided to burn something…or someone.

"Uh…where are they?" Kankuro asked softly. Hinata blushed.

"O-on my back….in the m-middle," she replied, becoming her shy self once more. "W-where I can't reach them…."

Kankuro also decided that Inner Hinata would be far scarier than Inner Sakura.

"O-oh…" he replied. "W-would you like me to help you get them off?"

"Y-yes, please," she responded as shyly as before.

"Uh, could you please hold this for me? Sasuke asked me to take care of this until tomorrow…." Kankuro handed Hinata something rectangular and flexible (the author-ess 'kukuku's in delight), but she was too busy blushing to notice what it was. "Uh…I guess you have to take off your shirt so I can get the ticks off…" Kankuro's face was such a cute shade of bright red!

Hinata gulped and nodded, and turned so her back was to her sister's father's brother's son's boyfriend's sister's brother and began slowly (ever so slowly) removing her shirt. Kankuro unconsciously licked his lips.

Whoa! was the first thing that popped into Kankuro's teenaged mind.

And no, you perverted readers, it was not because Kankuro was admiring his sister's brother's boyfriend's father's brother's daughter's sister's body (although Kankuro informs the author-ess that she does not in fact have anything to be ashamed of…).

The Whoa! was directed at the first tick he saw, which _had _to be the size of his eye!

He gently placed his left hand on Hinata's shoulder blade and grasped the tick between the thumb and first finger of his right hand. Ever so carefully, he tugged it off. He glared at it with disgust as it began wriggling its legs about in his grasp.

"Here," Hinata said, holding out a snack baggie that used to hold part of her lunch. "We can set fire to each of them individually after you've got all of them off." Kankuro dropped the first tick in, sticking out his tongue in distaste.

"Bleh. I believe I agree with you on what you plan to do to whomever invented these little buggers," he announced, causing Hinata to blush a fiercer red.

When he placed his left hand on her back once more, Hinata found herself unconsciously leaning into his touch. She tried (and failed) to hide her ever growing blush. However the same thing could be said for Kankuro. Once all of the blood sucking bastards had been removed from Hinata's back, they had been relocated to the bag, where they would wait until Hinata and Kankuro were no longer on school property and could legally use lighters.

It was not until then that Kankuro really noticed what Sasuke had actually asked him to hold onto. It really hit him then: what a tricky bastard that Uchiha could actually be! He _knew_ that Hinata would be the only girl on school campus that Saturday when the lacrosse team was playing. But he couldn't solely blame Sasuke, no matter home much he would have loved to; it was also the Pink FlexiRuler of Love's fault.

For that was what it was: the Pink FlexiRuler of Love! (dun dun dun!)

"Hinata. Look at what you're holding," Kankuro spat out, suddenly very angry, very flushed, and very… horny?

The shy girl did look down, and look down she did. Somehow, the sight on the Pink FlexiRuler of Love in her hand didn't surprise her as much as she thought it would once Her Time had come. In fact, she was rather glad that the Ruler had chosen that moment to strike back: Kankuro was quite a nice fellow, really.

"Oh! Would you look at that," she mused. Kankuro was flabbergasted. Stunned. Shocked. Staggered. Amazed. Bowled over. Astounded. Hinata didn't appear _half_ as flushed as he was!

"You mean you're not repulsed?" he asked.

"No; actually I think the Ruler made a rather nice pairing, don't you think?" she asked sweetly. Kankuro had to agree.

"I have to agree," he replied.

"Then don't you think we should make the best out of that empty Sports Equipment Closet over there?" she asked, still in her sweet, yet shy, voice. Kankuro was flabbergasted. Stunned. Shocked. Staggered. Amazed. Bowled over. Astounded. happy beyond all definition. Then he grinned a very wide grin.

"Hell yeah!"

* * *

_The author-ess would like to curse the little green zig-zag lines that appear under every grammar issue, especially the sentence fragments. "Fragment (consider revising)." The author-ess doesn't want to revise the damn thing! Don't you get it?_

_Well, the author-ess has to say that this was probably her favorite in writing, right next to the NejiGaa one. KankuHina is so surprisingly sweet! The author-ess got her inspiration from very annoying tick bites under her arms, and in…other places. But she had trouble getting the ones on her back off, so she needed help._

_The author-ess likes making title parodies of Star Wars, LoL. _

_The author-ess would like to apologize for lack of all characters except Hinata and Kankuro, basically. Naruto does not belong to the author-ess. The author-ess is quite pleased with herself for finishing three stories in three consecutive nights. Huzzah!_


End file.
